Good-bye

This is my final blog post.

I was pregnant. I lost the baby.

Things with JD may or may not work out. That's still pretty up in the air.

If any of you who read this want to reach me my new phone number is 812-241-4114. I will not be back on blogger after this morning.

Changes

Well, I have obviously been doing alot of thinking. It amazes me how right people are and how I never seem to listen to any of them! Guess that's what makes me me! I'm stubborn as sin!

Anyways, I'm finally tired of drama, tired of tears, tired of everything to do with unhappiness. I'm ready to be happy, loved, cared for. Everything I haven't felt in the last few years. I'm ready for all of it and excited about it all.

As one very very good friend has been telling me: God can't cook with you stirring the pot. And she was beyond right. As I have found myself stepping back and just enjoying where I'm at and what's going on with me, I have found that God is working amazing miracles for me.

Crue Fest

So yesterday JD and I headed to Indy for Crue Fest 2 with a couple that we work with. It was a total blast of course! I would consider this my first 'real' concert. I've been to about a million different concerts, but all country which really isn't the same as this to say the least! I don't know if anyone knows this or not, but I've always kinda been a bit of a 'good girl'. I know, I know...shocker! Not much partying or anything of the such in my past.

I had a pretty crappy start to the day. First of all, I called to make sure I could take my camera in and was told absolutely. So we stood in line FOREVAH just to get to the front and for me to be told that I couldn't take it in. Do you know how hot it was standing in line then walking all the way back.to.my.car? I was pissed to say the least. I called and yelled at the Verizon lady and she was all like "yea, I know I said you could but Motley Crue changed their minds." Assholes.

So I took the camera back to the car, walked all the way back up to the front of the line and get inside. Only to find that my dang ID was in the camera bag. So no 'alcohol' stamp for me. I felt like I was 19 again trying to find someone to hold my drink so I wouldn't get into trouble. The good news is that no one cared and I drank anyways. But not much because holydangshit! That stuff was expensive!

The worst of the night happend a little later. I have always known that I have a severe aversion to pot. I can admit that the one time I did actually try it I spent the night over the toilet. It doesn't sit well with me. Anyways, everyone around us was smoking it and I had a reaction...of course. Me, always the dramatic one...UGH. So I got extremely dizzy and started feeling like I was going to pass out. Then came the sick feeling and I had to run to the bathroom. Except I couldn't. I walked super fast, running everyone over in the process and got to the stairs and sat. Just sat. I couldn't hear anything at all. My ears were like completely deaf. I sat there for awhile then walked the rest of the way to the bathroom where I broke out into a cold sweat and had to put a cold cloth on my forehead. Then I walked back out and some guy who worked there walked up to me and asked if I was ok. I was like "yea, why? Do I really look that bad?" He said that he had been sitting next to me and asking me if I was ok while I was sitting on the stairs. I guess he was smacking my arm and everything! I had no clue!

So I went back to our little spot and spent the rest of the night wearing the buzz off and trying not to breath too deep! And I was super sick the rest of the night! But it didn't stop me from shakin it with the best of them!



This was some super high/drunk/who-knows-what guy next to us. He couldn't even stand.



The people in yellow were security. There were fights all around us. This one was started because our new friend (hell if I remember his name) was running around like a crazy dude and ran into some guy who was walking around starting fights. Interesting bunch of folks.



Me and JD



Me and Melissa



Me and some chick who had the same shirt as me. I had to run over to her and get my pic with her. She got one too. Strange how alcohol makes me into such a not-shy person.

Pole Dance much?

Miley Cyrus does:



And this is who my nieces love?! I know that when I was a kid there was some racy stuff on TV and girls were doing some crazy things. But, this is over-the-top for me. I just don't like the idea of her appealing as a 'Disney' star to young (YOUNG) girls then doing this kind of crap.

Just not much to update on

Right now things are moving along slowly. The house is pretty much finished and ready for sale. We have spent the week painting and redoing the upstairs. I love a finished house just in time to move out of it. Our bedroom ceilings are 16 foot tall or something. Two stories anyways. And it was so super-duper fun to paint up that high! Yup.

Anyways, it's all done. Now just painting the staircase again and a few trim peices and its all done. So if you know of ANYONE needing a house in Carlisle send them my way!

This weekend is my little Lilli's birthday party. I'm way excited to have tons of pics to share next week.

SADD

I was at my cousin's baby shower this weekend and sat across from her SADD director/teacher/coach/whatever it's called. I was in SADD as a student, however this is not the same SADD I was a member of. Instead of being Students Against Drunk Driving it is now called Students Against Destructive Decisions. I had to laugh seeing as she is 16 or 17 and pregnant. But alas, stuff happens. That's life.

Anyways, my post is about destructive decisions. And how is it possible for someone to know if they are making a destructive decision (from here on out known as DD because I'm too lazy to type it all out again)? I mean, how does a person make a decision that makes their heart happy, but also makes their brain happy? How does a person deal with the possibility that every decision is potentially a DD?

One of the things I stress in my groups is that everything is a decision. Yes, there are tiny, innocent, stupid decisions we make without even thinking of them as decisions, but decisions they are, nonetheless. Such as getting out of bed in the morning. Yes, that is a decision. We could stay in bed or get out. How about going to the bathroom? We could choose to potty in our pants (my favorite example in a group of grown men BTW) or we could potty in the corner. We could go outside and potty. Or we could go to the toilet. Any number of things involve a decision.

But how many of them are potentially DDs?

And when you are faced with a potential DD how do you make a decision?

Am I the only one who wishes for a crystal ball to tell me what to do in every single dang situation? I'm not a good decision-maker. I second-guess myself to death. "What if this happened?" "But what if this instead?"

Grrr, I drive myself nuts sometimes!

The newest news

We have some very exciting and good news! JD got a new job! He is going to be a safety manager for a Federal Prison. That's not the news though. Well, it is the basis of the news, but the real news is that we are moving.....to Kansas. Yup, tornado alley. The prison is the Federal Prison in Leavenworth.

JD will either be starting on August 31st or September 14th. I'm going to stay here until at least the end of September just to make sure all the loose ends are tied up. We are selling our house so if you know of anyone who needs a house around here send them my way!

Update

JD is starting to feel better. We still have no idea what was going on, but his arm is almost completely back to normal and he is feeling less foggy. I keep telling him that I don't need the little scares like that to keep my heart rate up, that's what the pacemaker is for LOL!

Unfortunately he passed his puny's on to me. I must be battling a sinus infection or something. I am super stuffed up and running a pretty good fever.

In other news, I got my new tattoo this weekend. It's pretty cool. I don't have any pictures yet, waiting until it heals.

Also, I got my car back but there is so darn much wrong with it! I'm extremely ticked. I'm pretty sure they sideswiped it on the passenger side and there is a huge dent in the trunk that wasn't there when I took it in. Plus they replaced the light cover with a scratched up one. And the new paint has little white speckles in it. So I have to pitch a fit later today. Should be a fun way to get my sickly frustrations out.

Slight scare

Or a major one. Thank you to everyone who sent prayers yesterday because things turned out very well.

Long story short, JD hasn't been feeling well. He has been foggy feeling, dizzy, and his left arm is numb. He has been this way for a few days and when we went to the doctor they couldn't figure it out. They did bloodwork to check all of his electrolytes and his thyroid and we were told that if all turned out normal there they would have to do an MRI to check for brain problems like a tumor.

Well, yesterday the bloodwork all came back normal, so we went in for an MRI. And everything was normal there too!!! So, we are waiting to see. If he doesn't feel better next week we have to go back.

UGH, if it's not one thing with us it's another!

Prayers Needed

Without going into much (or any) details please please please send up some prayers today.

I will hopefully be able to update later with details once some are known, but for now I would prefer not to talk too much about the situation.

Thanks for your support and understanding. And prayers.